Time Flies

One of my biggest peeves in life, is people who are late. Being in a business that is booked by appointment, I will admit, that there have been a few occasions that I have refused a client, simply because she was late.  Most memorably, a client who was ALWAYS late, I actually refused her, although the rest of my day was totally open! It was more important to me that I waste her time and teach her a lesson, then earn an income I guess.  However, she was never late again. Then I had children.....

The ability to understand time has been lost to me ever since. Not only, can I rarely get my shit together to be somewhere on time, but I have also lost the concept of it all together. Mostly, how fast time passes, what time of the day it is, how much time it takes to cook dinner, how much time it takes to get out the door, how much time it takes to fit in all the crap that is on my list for the day, how much time has passed between visits with a friend, and most importantly...how much time has passed since my hubby and I have had sex.  I will admit..."time" completely eludes me.  I always think I have more of it, then I actually do, and I always think things will take less time then they actually do.  I am, quite frankly, a mess. 

I have trouble keeping track of days, weeks and yes...sometimes months. I mix up days, appointments, schedules and most of the time, leave all things to do with my children's school events, until the last minute. That would be why I was up until midnight making valentines cards and cake balls prior to Valentines Day.  What the hell is wrong with me? Am I the only one who suffers from this? I look at my friends, and they all seem put together and organized? I can't even get it together to do my hair and make up anymore. Shit...if my sweat pants are dirty, I actually have a panic attack. Lord knows, I don't have time to do laundry anyways....

I remember my first pregnancy dragging by. Waiting for him to arrive felt like molasses.  What I wouldn't do to have that back.  I can remember a time when my house was clean, meals were made, and I had time to sit on the couch and watch t.v. and it was borderline, boredom. Unaware that life was going to kick into high gear when my babies arrived, and that there was no longer a second in my day that wasn't spoken for.  I have come to realize, that there is not enough of me, or hours in the day anymore.  How I wish I could go back to my mommy hood, (pre) pre-school.  I had no idea what would happen to our life when I was forced to follow a schedule set out to me by someone else.  I am a walking disaster. I am not afraid to admit it.  I looked in the mirror today at my caterpillars for eyebrows, and the hair in a ponytail that I will admit that I slept in.  I have yet to wash my face today...and it's 3:00 in the afternoon.  I had big plans to work out this morning, however, let's face it.....I don't have time for that.  Since I am up until midnight trying to accomplish the 1 million things on my list, there is no way in hell I am waking up at 5:00 am to haul my ass downstairs to fit in a work out. And yet, the irony is, that I would actually feel better if I just did it anyways.  

You hear it from every parent in the world. "Enjoy it, it goes so quickly". And I will admit, that this is all too true.  Sometimes, after I put them to bed, I will admit to going in for a few brief minutes and watch them sleep, as this is my greatest, pending fear.  Who am I going to be when the day comes that my job is done? When I am no longer needed to clean up messes, cook meals, change beds and do laundry.  Who am I, when I am no longer a "mommy", but just "mom". What will I do, when I have time to spare, extra time....time to waste?  Will I look back at these years as they have flown by in a frenzy.  Will I regret all the times I have chosen to finish my list, instead of listen, or play. Do I take enough time from something unimportant and put it where it's the most important? As this life that I have been given, flies by at record speed, I am trying to take the time for the small things. I have to remind myself on a daily basis, that sometimes the chores can wait. Sometimes, it's o.k. if the house is a mess, and the tub is growing pink mold......because there will always be mess, there will always be things on my list.  But there won't always be my children, young and precious, sweet and innocent. They are after all, my greatest joy.  

So I am happy knowing that on a day like today, I chose to sleep in a little longer with my little girl in my arms, instead of putting on make up.  I chose to eat breakfast with my children this morning, instead of doing my hair. I chose to take my daughter to dance class, on time today, instead of worrying about what I was wearing.  Today, I made the choice to put my time into my children, instead of myself, for all too soon I will have more than enough time to worry about me, and my children will be off in the world learning the very lessons that I am currently teaching them. What do we all do with the very little time we are given? How have you chosen to spend it? Who have you chosen to spend it with? What is the legacy you hope to leave behind when your time is up? 

For now I am trying to stretch every spare second, out of every minute in my day. I am trying to juggle the many tasks that befall us all, while doing it without grace....but with humor. I will take a few extra minutes tonight to read a longer book than usual, because if I have learned nothing else in this life....our time on this earth is short. Our legacy that we leave behind is long. It is in our family. It is in our children. It is in the difference that we make in the world. No matter how small we may think our part is....only time will tell.