Snips & Snails.....

Some of my favorite conversations with my children take place while we are in the car. I am usually listening to the newest song my daughter has invented in her brain, or the biggest adventure of the day through the eyes of my six year old son. I will confess that I often tune them out, while trying to listen to the radio and spend a lot of time giving the odd "Hmmm, interesting", and "wow, that sounds great", and "Mmmm hmmm, I bet". However this conversation grabbed my attention, and I thought it was a perfect moment to see life through my 4 year old's eyes, and possibly teach a lesson.....or have what's left of my self esteem kicked in the crotch. You know, whatever, either one sounds great.
Miss C is a lover of all bugs. Especially snails. She collects them, names them, feeds them, takes them for wagon rides. In general, is a big fan. So from the back seat when I start to hear "snail chatter" I hummed and hawed along with her little notations about her pets.
"Mommy, I collected all my snails and lined them up. I had fat ones and skinny ones. I put all the skinny ones together so they could visit, because they are the mommy's. Mommy's like to visit."
Now she has caught my attention. The skinny ones are mommy's? Hmmm. So I calmly ask, "Oh, how do you know the skinny ones are mommy's"? 
She replies "because all mommy's are skinny".
So here's my chance. I figure, why not see what she thinks. 
"Oh....hmmm, is your mommy skinny?"  I ask cautiously. There proceeds to be a very long pause from the back seat. Ah crap. She has to think about it? This is not going to end well for me. Quietly, she literally says "ummm.....no mommy. I don't think that you're very skinny...I think you're a bit big mommy."
Oh awesome. My four year old thinks I'm a fat ass. So quick thinking on my part, I quickly try to throw a life lesson in there. 
"Do you think that mommy's come in all different shapes and sizes, just like your snails?"  To which she says,
"Oh yes mommy. There are skinny snails, medium snails and then there are very big ones like you mommy"! 
I honestly laughed for a split second, which was quickly replaced by the feeling of wanting to crawl under a rock. Go ahead, rob me of what's left of my flailing self esteem and hit me over the head with it. Typically, I would like to try to find the happiness in any situation. This time however, I am going to admit defeat. I'm going to go outside and counsel all the "fat" snails and make sure that they don't feel judged and criticized by the skinny ones. Perhaps I'll bring some brownies, or maybe a bag of chips. It seems fitting. I think we might start a club. Maybe? 
The good news is, whether she thinks I'm a "very big mommy" or not, she still loves me through it all. I suppose there is just more of me to love. This of course is not the first time that my children have notified me of my weight. In a public rest room, my son loudly announced what a "big bum" I have. Nothing motivates a person to lose the weight like having your children inform you that you're fat. So the lesson of the day is that snails and mommy's come in different sizes. We don't fit into a specific mould. We can't always be on the outside what we dream to be, from the inside. We struggle. We have insecurities. We all carry the weight of our home on our shoulders at one time or another. 
So the next time I criticize myself in the mirror. Or get mad because "I look fat" in something. I will be reminded of our conversation.  I will remember that little ears are listening to my words and learning how to be a mommy herself one day. So big bums, or saggy tummy's....we must love our faults, if not for us, but for our children. After all, if she can love her snails, why can't I love myself?